I made up 17 outfits to wear while in San Francisco.
I think it’d be a good idea to wear them to work and test out their comfort.

(i need to go the fuck to sleep)

I bought my San Francisco ticket! Yay! Now for the next two months I’ll be working for spending some money.

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I need to buckle down and prepare to move out. I want to go to San Fran, where my friends are, but I can’t invite myself into their home. Would I find an apartment with a stranger? Is that what I’d have to do?

I’m thinking I’ll raise money here, in PA, and then when I have enough rent money for a few months, I’ll move down and look for another job. I don’t know how I’ll find a roommate. I don’t know what I’ll do while down there. I guess I can try going to school? But with what money? How am I going to go to school and work at the same time?

When I go to sf, I’ll be bringing cereal bc I’ll be too poor to buy groceries down there. Also granola bars. And fiber pills. And a water bottle. I’m prepared to rough it like a camping trip.

I attempted to now the lawn today, not knowing how difficult it was, or how long it would take. I didn’t finish. This is one more thing I let my family down with. I really suck and I need to gtfo.

Me: (has hurtful remark to say)
Me: (keeps it to herself)

I don’t know what I did wrong but I’m nauseous and I have this headache that if I tense up any part of my body it just hurts like a motherfucker.

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The clean clothes in my room smell like my godparents. It literally hurts me that I won’t be in Greece this summer.
(Even though memories are nothing like reality.)

Just waiting in the cold. The managers normally get here late in the mornings. The building stays closed until then. And I stay cold. Chilled like a beer. Nasty.

Let me tell you Barry ain’t savin’ nobody this season

When was the last time I kissed somebody

I’m starving
So much so that I have to dream up lips to kiss

Like a flower without water
I’m burning up in the sun
My
Petals
Curling into each other
Becoming something twisted and
Wretched

I wish I remembered how to shut the fuck up.

Yes wallowing in self hate is easy and comfortable, but there comes a time when you have to do something about it. How long can you sit there and whine about the same problem? The same flaw? Doesn’t it get old? Don’t you want to punch your problem in the fucking throat and dance on its grave?

I do.